我ba-ack !\ nYou knew I couldn't stay away from the opinion page for long I have way too many opinions. And though I was more than happy to pass the proverbial torch to Miss Ashley Keen, our lovely and talented new opinion editor, I am kind of sad that I'm just another columnist now. \n That's where you come in. You see, this is my first column of the fall -- the column that will set the tone for the rest of the year and make you either turn to the opinion page first on Thursdays or avoid it like the plague. My editors told me I need to come up with a style, a pattern, a hallmark of self-expression. But there are so many different types of columns, and so few weeks in the semester! I desperately call upon you, my beloved readers, to help me choose which path of writing to take as I journey into the wide world of columns.\nI would like to humbly submit the following column styles. If you see one you like and are extremely bored and/or in the mood to procrastinate, feel free to drop me an e-mail at letters@indiana.edu and let me know what kind of column you want to read this semester.\n尖锐的政治评论美国现在的可怕状况是那些骗子民主党人的错，还是那些冷血的共和党人的错?是个好人还是又一个卑鄙的政客?希拉里会赢得纽约的支持，还是她和比尔会在大选后消失在政治真空中?众议院议长丹尼斯·哈斯泰特:四角裤还是三角裤?\ nThese and other hot Capitol Hill topics could be yours every Thursday if this is the way you want me to go. Be forewarned: I think Al Gore and George Dubbya are equally slimy and boring. (One can be slimy, one can be boring, just please don't be both!) If we do go down this political path, dear readers, just know I will encourage you to vote each and every Thursday. Even after the election. But that's another column.\n谄媚的“停下来闻闻玫瑰”专栏诸如“我们经常忽视大自然”和“今天我在浩瀚的约旦河上划独木舟旅行”这样的短语在这类专栏中比比皆是。这些文章恳请学生们每天抽出至少一个小时来“寻找自我”。我喜欢自我发现，但请不要支持这种方法!\ n幽默的人文观察也没有，就像我姐姐说的，“我注意过吗?”专栏。“我没注意到在校园里停车很荒唐吗?”“有没有注意到每个学生都认为自己的专业是最难的?”就像《周六夜现场》里的琳达·里奇曼会说的那样，“你们自己聊吧。”鹰嘴豆既不是小鸡也不是豌豆。讨论。”像杰瑞·宋飞一样对日常生活的幽默评论…只是我没那么风趣你最好不要投票给这个，因为我真的很喜欢Easy Cheese之类的东西。这可能会很乏味，伙计们各种各样的话题\ nLet的审查。今年夏天，我写了关于资本主义、处女、吸烟、艾滋病、希望和肥皂剧的文章。我喜欢写作，也喜欢在为报社工作的过程中学习更多的工艺知识。我的灵感来自室友、电视、书籍和咖啡。这是我最喜欢的路线，我希望你的读者也会为这条路线投票。\ nNot that I'm really expecting an outpouring of reader response to this column. But I love reader e-mail, and I hope you'll drop me a line every now and again. Who knows? Maybe you will inspire my next column. \nAs Dr. Frasier Crane would say, "I'm listening"
